I’m sure I had a bunch of other things I had planned for the last two days before I went in for my scheduled c-section but I can’t remember them now. These were the things running through my mind as I talked to the nurse in the hospital room. The room I broke down in. The room I was in 2 days early.
It was 4 am when the contractions woke me up. I tossed and turned…or flopped around really. You know how graceful pregnancy can make you. Pain. I looked at my phone to see the time. I closed my eyes hoping they would dissipate. Pain again. It was 8 minutes from the last one. This went on for an hour and the minutes in between got shorter and shorter. I got up and checked my hospital bag to make sure I had everything. These would go away right? I mean I was supposed to have a baby on Tuesday. Tuesday people! Now the contractions were 4 minutes apart. Having 3 kids before I knew this was cutting it too close. I called my doctor’s office hoping they would just tell me not to worry- and to stay home because I was overreacting. Baby will come on its due date. Ha!
I woke up Lorin and told him we had to go to the hospital. Now. I don’t even know why he was dillydallying when I was in labor! I could have kicked him in the shin. Seriously. I told my Mom (who had just flown in hours before!!) that I was in labor. I was going to have a baby today. Sunday. Not Tuesday. The commotion woke up my little ones and they got so excited that they would be meeting their little baby that day.
So off we went. Each bump in the road made me want to kick the dashboard. And kick the driver. I waddled in with my bag. I’d already done this a few times but this time I felt the most unprepared. I felt confused and dazed as if this was just a dream. As the nurse wheeled me into the Labor and Delivery floor I felt it start. “It” being the freak out. Lots of tears. Trembling. Sobs. I was not ready. And then Lorin asks me what’s wrong. What is wrong? Was he joking?! Didn’t he read my to-do list? Didn’t he know all the stuff I had to do before the baby came? I wasn’t having the baby when I was supposed to. This was an emergency c-section. They had to act quickly and that scared the crap out of me! The nurse looked sympathetically at me and not so sympathetically at the husband who just asked that ridiculous question as she was having a contraction.
In came the doctor- not the one I had been seeing because he wasn’t on call that day- a different one who only knew me from what she read in her chart. More tears. It was the wrong doctor. The wrong day. I just couldn’t handle it. I should be happy. Excited. Just those two feelings. But it was all too confusing and happening too fast.
And yet not fast enough- I wanted the pain to go away. Couldn’t they stop the contractions? I didn’t know you could be in labor while they sliced your abdomen open…yikes, too graphic. Finally, they rolled me into the surgical room: the cold, frigid room where all your dignity goes out the window. And then slowly I feel the cold liquid through my back- that liquid gold that makes the pain go away. I stared up and waited for the day I had been waiting for for the last 38 weeks and 5 days. The day was here- the day I would meet the little wiggleworm who had made it impossible to sleep, who craved nutella sandwiches everyday, who had been a part of me for the past 38 weeks and 5 days. I was about to meet this little creation. And then I felt pressure and a release. My husband looked over at me and said, “It’s a girl!”
…to be continued